Especially in the fast-paced world we live in today, it can be accurately said that we spend most of our lives in a sort of reaction to the world we live in. How we define our days, and even our lives, is based on the external elements that make up the world around us. Our day is usually filled with us reacting to circumstances, and not really creating it. We are always pulled about by some demand of the day. It is no surprise then, that it never occurs to us that it is imperative for every man to learn how to love being alone. Not to pretend to like loneliness, which is not quite the same thing, but to find the hidden strength in solitude. The temporary moment we take to reflect, recharge, and wrest control of the world around us. It is essential to finding the best version of ourselves.

Take our day to day for instance. It is the case for most of us, that they begin pretty much as soon as we wake up. The utilitarian tasks of the day’s agenda is the first thing that we step into, the moment we step out of bed. Other than the casual breaks in between this routine, this never really lets up until it’s time to sleep. And then come bedtime, we struggle to do that too. The multitude of unprocessed thoughts lost in a cavalcade of events, memories, and hectic sources of stress that have only now come to descend upon our heads in the still of night. All the moments we had to process thoughts either pissed away on work, entertainment, or our earphones in a desperate need for distraction. Our hectic universe has now groomed us into restlessness.

Have you ever noticed however, that in this morass, there is always that occasional man who has a steadiness about him? A kind of quiet ease by which he faces things, even suffers through them in time, and still comes back without much of a long term effect? I’m not talking about that kind of technique that too many of us men have, with which we hide our darkness. I mean something genuinely peaceful that isn’t able to be faked when it occurs. They are happy around people, but there’s something else. They seem to be entirely satisfied being alone. These men can engage their minds solidly without the need for some kind of narcotic. These men can sit in a room with a book and a TV, and pick the book. These men can enjoy the best out of life without need for the kind of high that our culture forces us to feverishly seek. That, my friend, is strength.

It is a feat in and of itself, to seek solitude, especially in this day and age. It cannot be overstated how high a mountain it can be to truly forgo the pleasures of today’s shiny world, ignore the multitude of distractions that never seem to end, and then find a time isolated to yourself. To reflect in today’s time, is to engage in an activity so crucial to our own health, and yet so nearly unattainable. This is understandably not an easy ask. But especially as men, there comes a time when what is easy is irrelevant against what is needed. This is needed.

Think about the things in a man’s life that give him meaning. From getting a job, to building a home, to providing for his family, and building a legacy. All these things come with the potential for highs and lows, joys and stresses, pleasure and pain. Left at the mercy of the latest incident, even within the home for instance, a man could crash. After all, there are many ways to do the right thing the wrong way. There are many ways to forget what a course of action is doing to you. There are many ways to disregard what the results of your actions say about you as a man. The bias of the loud world around us can drive us to a sort of reactionary mode that must be periodically wrestled under control. We are always responding to the frenzy of moments, and we seldom feel the harmony that makes us fully whole as human beings.

So what is this completeness, and what does it look like?

It becomes rough at first, but you do eventually earn the satisfaction of completely knowing yourself. It is true that we all need each other some way. This cannot be true if we do not present the most genuine mode of ourselves. The best way to do this, is to go through those moments of solitude. In those moments, all pretense is gone, there is no one to impress, and you are simply left with the world as it is, and the truth of who you really are against it. In this way, you can prepare for the next round.

It is also in solitude that you miss less. You fully grasp more. Due to our fast-paced culture, things generally tend to slip by unnoticed. Only by taking a pause do things tend to dawn on you, that the hustle and bustle would have caused you to miss. The full scope of our day to day life, and the whole of life itself, comes into focus. This is why men who make a habit of solitude, tend to handle circumstances better. They become keen observers of their universe, which gives them a better understanding of it. This doesn’t make them avoid participation in it. It simply makes them more capable participants in it.

You learn to listen to your inner voice. In many of our interactions, this voice is drowned out by the input of everyone else, and everything else occurring around us. Think about it. The most honest part of yourself, is the part within. That inner voice, represents that innermost part. The more you learn how to love being alone, the more you get acquainted with that voice. This means that a certain confidence develops in solitude. This constantly developed confidence becomes more apparent when you eventually step out into the world. Solitude gives your inner the most prominent voice in your life. As a result, you don’t flinch as easily at the opinions of others.

You actually learn how to interact with people better when you practice solitude. We tend to expect from the world, what we expect from ourselves. As we spend time alone, we learn the full depth of what it means to be human. As a result, we appreciate the potential of everyone else to possess that same depth. Take the previously mentioned inner voice for instance. The more you get in touch with it, the more you appreciate that everyone else must also have an inner voice that speaks to them. This makes you a bit appreciate your interactions with people. They’re not just a meaningless cog in the machine of your day. They are a spiritual, emotional, and physical being, who also have their mountains to climb. You don’t necessarily think about it every time you say hi to someone. It’s more subconscious. You just relate to people with this understanding that these are significant beings around you.

You grow faster from setbacks. Being able to sit by yourself, away from the bias of the crowd, has a way of painting clearer pictures of past events. You may have noticed this in when you did something embarrassing in public. You spent some time replaying it in your head, wishing you could go back and do it all over again. Most of us do this in passing, but the man who does this intentionally, becomes better intentionally.

So as you go about the business of life, consider. Our influence on the world around us, is usually minuscule in any direct manner. It’s going to grind against us, and demand so much out of us, just for the ability to get through our day. You don’t need hours in the day. If you have that time, more power to you. You only need about 30 minutes though. Take advantage of this time every day. Make it intentional. Keep it consistent. You will find yourself able to rise above the kind of things that all too often, overwhelm your peers. And in this new-found strength, you will learn to love that time.